THE CALMIXX GUIDE TO BATMAN IN THE MOVIES

I am well known for my addiction to all things Batman.
I have a tatoo of the Bat symbol on my left arm and a set

of Batarangs in my glove compartment should I come across

any evil doers in my every day life.

A while back I stated that I wanted to put together my

thoughts on all of the Bat movies so far before the Dark

Knight was released and now . . . I have done so.

There. One more meaningless accomplishment down . . . three thousand four hundred and fifty six to go.

With no further ado, I give you -

THE CALMIXX GUIDE TO BATMAN IN THE MOVIES

Batman 1966

The first succesful attempt at putting the caped crusader

on screen (not counting some serials from the 30’s and

40s) also was the first to have too many villians in the

story. Joker, Penguin, Catwoman and the Riddler . . . too

many villians!!!!

Actually, this is probably the only place in Batman movie

history where this works.

The plot had to do with some kind of ray gun that turned

people into piles of sand, but that really didn’t matter.

It was really about Adam West in a performance that

typecast him forever.

Even the voicework he gets today (and he gets a LOT of it)

is usually some sly nod to the fact that he is Batman. Not

was, IS.

Batmobile – Ford Futura Custom made by George Barris. Car

of my dreams.

Best Scene: TIE – Batman can’t seem to get rid of a bomb

and Batman is attacked in mid air by a rubber shark.

Interesting fact – The budget for the movie was MUCH

bigger than the budget for the TV show, so the producers

had the BatBoat, BatCycle and BatCopter written in so they

would be available to them for the TV show afterwards.

Crafty Hollywood types . . .

Batman 1989

Michael Keaton as a superhero? Mr. Mom? Beetlejuice?

Really? Is that a good idea?

You’re damn right it was. Tim Burton said he chose Keaton

because looking into his eyes you could believe he really

would dress up as a Bat and fight crime. From the moment

he floats down to the rooftop to ruin the lives and

pyschological well being of two muggers you realize the

genius of Burton’s casting.

Jack Nicholson as the Joker was inspired at the time; but

sadly the performance doesn’t hold up after all this time

(in my opinion). Jack is really just playing Jack in White

face and the Joker is a lot more than that. The Prince

music also makes this outing hopelessly dated.

Batmobile - Almost the coolest one ever. Very Corvette

Best Scene: Batman crashes the Joker’s museum date with

Vicki Vale by smashing through the glass ceiling (this

type of bat entrance has been copied in every Batman film

since.)

Interesting fact: Not so much about the Batman movie

itself, but more about the new Dark Knight film – There

was a rumor that Michael Keaton was approached to play

Joker to Christian Bale’s Batman. THAT would have been

interesting to see . . .

Batman Returns

Hey if one villian was so successful, imagine all the toys

we could make if we had 2!

Danny Devitto is excellent. Michelle Pfeifer is amazing.

Christopher Walken is downright “Walkeniffic”, but Batman

is just along for the ride. This movie isn’t really about

him and he just shows up when they need a good guy to stop

them from fufilling their evil plan.

Batmobile: Same as the first one, but it gets damaged and

we get to see Bruce Wayne fixing it himself in the

Batcave. (Nice touch)

Best Scene: Batman beats up a gang of carnival bad guys

attacking downtown Gotham’s Christmas tree lighting

ceremony. And every scene where Michelle Pfeifer is in the

cat suit. Every one.

Interesting Fact: They were ready to make a Catwoman spin

off movie, but it just never got off the ground until

Halle Berry took over the role almost 10 years later. You

know how that ended up so enough said. Sigh.

Batman Forever

Val Kilmer is Batman? Really? The guy from Real Genius?
Iceman from Top Gun? HE is the new Batman? He’s like 19

years old? Is that a good idea?

You’re damn right it wasn’t.

Joel Schumacher doesn’t get it. He has no love for these

characters and seems to be way more familiar with the 1966

incarnation than anything having to do with the comic

books or even the Burton movies for that matter. As much

as you may want to smash him for this, the fault really

lies with Warner Brothers who hired him and then

apparently never checked back with him to see how he was

ruining their franchise.

Val Kilmer smiles in his Batman Uniform. This is not

allowed. Ever. Even when he is giddy with joy (which is

never) – Batman is somber and serious as a heart attack in

uniform.

Jim Carrey is a hack. The Riddler was basically Ace

Ventura in Spandex. His plot to use mind control to take

over Gotham City was stupid and badly represented on

screen by neon “brain rays” and some kind of kitchenaid

looking TV set top box appliance.

Two face is here too. Tommy lee Jones has never seen a

comic book in his life, so he was obviously a great

choice. Also – he does not look half burned. He looks half

purple alien lifeform and also – ahh he just sucks.

This movie has the first appearance of the Gotham City

Black light flurescent lighting gang. Retarded.

With all it’s problems, this movie made a CRAZY amount of

cash. Crazy amount. Ridiculous considering how bad it is.

Oh yeah Robin is in it too, but he looks about 11 minutes

younger than Batman so the whole thing just comes off as

rather . . . odd. An older Batman really would have

solved a bunch of the issues I have with this movie.

Batmobile – Changed for the worse with some kind of weird

vented “texture” application body. Similar, but not

better. Don’t like it.

Interesting fact: There was an entire sub plot about

Bruce’s feeling that he was responsible for his parents

death that was cut. This really made the interaction with

Nicole Kidman’s psychologist character more interesting

and a lot more plausible.

The “Dark Knight” Motorcycle Bruce lets Dick fix, was a

nice touch and felt like it may have been left over pre

production stuff from the Burton movies.

Best Scene: We see Two face’s origin on a news cast in the

backround. This 5 second clip is more interesting than

anything else in the entire movie.

Batman and Robin

Umm. Like I said above, Batman Forever made a LOT of

money. So ahh, apparently, Warner Brothers asked Joel

Schumacher to ensure that that never happened again.

Batman is now George Clooney and he was a great choice.

But he never gets to do ANYTHING except banter with Robin

about cars and girls and healthcare and whether Hillary

can beat Obama or if healthcare should be a goverment

provided . . . nevermind.

So the afore mentioned Flurescent lighting gang is back.

They suck and are 3 times as retarded as before due to the

fact that they now organize motor cycle races.

Robin is back. He sucks too but now he has a new outfit.
So he sucks but he looks suckier than before.

Batgirl has arrived and she looks she might be the fatter

less attractive sister of that girl from the Aerosmith

videos. And – she sucks.

Mr. Freeze is there. He is sucktacular. How you can do

something like this and THEN get elected Governor of

California? Seriously – making this movie is all the

evidence of bad judgement anyone could EVER NEED.

Poison Ivy. Poison Sucky. Why go out of your way to make

Uma Turman UGLIER? Yech.

Bane. But . . .why . . .how . . . did anybody read the

comic book . . .Bane is . . .why is he wearing a Fedora??
WTF is GOING ON HERE????

Batmobile: Neon One seater with a Fin roughly half the

size of the Eifel tower. It Sucks.

Best Scene: Right after the credits show the listing of

music from the film, there is a 5 second roll of the roman

numeral serial number of this movie. That was about as

good as this one got.

Interesting Fact: Not one damn thing. Wait -ok, it’s

interesting to me that Joel Schumacher gets work in things

other than puppet shows.

Batman Begins

Forget what you know about Batman in the movies.

This is not a sequel. It’s a do-over.

Here’s the coolest thing – this is not a great Batman

movie. It’s a great MOVIE that happens to be about Batman.

If he never put on the costume, and fought crime as a

Ninja, it would still be a great movie.

This one feels as real as a movie about Batman can get.

Batmobile: The Tumbler. Big, Ugly but logical when it’s

purpose is thought out. I like it. I like it a lot.

Best Scene: No ONE Scene stands out for me. The movie

works as a WHOLE. Very well done.

The Dark Knight

See ya in June for the next chapter . . .